Diary

Introduction: My Diary – The Blog Series

November 28, 2016
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Hey everyone,

I want to try a new thing on here where I can just be transparent about my life struggles and triumphs, what I’m going through in that moment, and also share what’s keeping me encouraged and helping me get through! I want to use this as a way to exercise my writing muscle and get more consistent with my blog. I am hoping that you will leave me feedback and that I can potentially start online conversations, almost like a public forum from what I post. I hope you all enjoy this series… not very sure how long it will last… but I pray it blesses you as I continue along my journey of faith. 😉

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Diary Entry #7 – I’m getting tested! – Challenging the World’s Standard

December 7, 2016
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Hey everyone!

So I want to share with you the spiritual test I’ve been going through lately…

I was convicted when the Holy Spirit revealed to me how “independent” I’ve become. Instead of depending on the Holy Spirit’s leading in every single area in my life… I’ve more so leaned towards following the world’s standard or just going with my own feelings. What I didn’t know is  how much God actually cares about every single detail of my life… not just the things that I believe are significant, such as finances, relationships, etc.

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Diary Entry #6 – My End Time Dreams

December 4, 2016
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The atmosphere is heavy… can you sense it? I can tell when there is a shifting… I can see the impending judgement upon our nation. There is a war going on in the spirit realm. For the past 4 weeks or so I have been having dreams like crazy about the end times, spirit realm, etc. God is speaking… but are we listening?

The bible says in Acts 2:17-18 – “In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.”

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Diary Entry #5 – When you feel like God has forgotten you…

December 3, 2016
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Today I began my Christmas shopping and I couldn’t help but pile my cart with gifts for Evey. While shopping, I was so thoughtful of my purchases. I wanted to get things that she would love, that she could use over time, and that would add value to her life. I have never felt this kind of love, until I became a mommy.

Then this verse came to my head:

“If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” – Matthew 17:11

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Diary Entry #4 – Spirits are Real!

December 1, 2016
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Today was an amazing day. My husband was off from work so we got to spend some quality time with each other and also got to fellowship with some like-minded believers at our church’s marriage bible study!

Yet the best part of my day was how it all ended. As some of you may know, from reading my previous diary entries, I have been going through a lot of internal struggles. I’ve dealt with feelings on insecurity, inferiority, fear, etc. and I know that these things are not from the Lord. I also realized that always avoiding conflict and being a “peacemaker” may seem like an innocent thing… but deep down there is a root of bondage that needs to be dealt with. When you’re in bondage to people and their thoughts of you, you live life wanting to please them versus living a life of obedience to the Lord.

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Diary Entry #3 – When You Don’t Feel Like You’re Enough

November 30, 2016
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Today I had a lot of “free time”…so I took my little Evey for a ride and we stayed over a friend’s house all day while Chris was at work.

A couple of months ago, my life looked totally different. I was always busy, overbooked, and overwhelmed. Now that I’m not, I feel so out of place. The rush of everyday life was almost like a drug to me, a way of escape. So now that the Lord has taken all of that away, it’s like I’m going through withdrawal symptoms. I’m almost always tempted to take up new projects to fill my schedule, though I know I really shouldn’t. The Lord has given me a few instructions on what He wants me to dedicate my focus on during this current season but why doesn’t it feel like enough?

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Diary Entry #2 – The Truth About my Life

November 29, 2016
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It’s 1:55am in the morning. I am soothed by the pitter-patter of the rain brushing against our apartment walls and the illumination from the christmas tree lights that’s drifted it’s way through the cracks of our bedroom door. Beside me, my precious gifts sleep in silence and tranquillity.  I thank God for every heartbeat that passes as they breath in and out the midnight air. I am forever thankful.

This night, I recounted some truths as I thoughtfully reviewed my day, my life, my world. Usually I skip over these truths and I move to idly scrolling through social media or meditating on something else I consider more entertaining or enjoyable. Because the truth is, I don’t want to deal with the truth. I know the truth, I tuck it in deep down inside and somehow I hope it will eventually fade or resolve itself.

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Diary Entry #1 – Sunday Blues

November 28, 2016
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Can I be real with ya’ll? I did not want to go to church today! I had to force myself out of that bed because I know that this fight is not physical, it’s spiritual.

So I made it there… and lugged Evey in her carseat along with my purse and her baby bag inside. That girl is sooo big these days, thank God for growth!! (trying to be positive)

Anyway, I was there, but not really. As soon as the service was done, I picked Evey up from daycare and I purposely went down the back set of stairs and out the backdoor so that I wouldn’t have to say “hi” to anybody (introvert problems).

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