The other night my husband asked me what I wanted out of life… my response, “I have everything I want…” What more could a girl ask for? My days are not perfect and I don’t want to sound braggadocios but God has blessed me with my little family and my choice career of being a writer and stay-at-home mommy… all at the tender age of 23. Words cannot express the overwhelm of gratitude I feel because I know many would love to be in my shoes but it wasn’t always this way…
I wasn’t always content and thankful for my portion. Even with the marriage and even with the kid… I had this spirit of ambition that said, “I need more, more, more.” More kids. More vacations. More success. More money.. & the list goes on and on.
Then God showed me something… I peeked into the spirit realm and I could see people’s lives being destroyed by this spirit of ambition. Their schedule was their God and they put their relationships on the back burner. Their busyness was their affirmation. Their dreams and plans were first priority. They would crush someone else’s head in order to get to the top. I saw the ugly face of ambition… it’s true colors, it’s haughtiness and pride. Ambition is too good to talk to you, too good to care for you, too good to slow down and acknowledge you.
Ambition causes you to see people as roadblocks or opportunities, not as actual human beings. If someone is in your way, you throw them out of your life. If someone is in your life, it’s only a matter of time. As long as they are useful. As long as they are helpful. As long as they shut up. As long as they be quiet. As long as they help you further your own agenda, you’ll let them stick around. You see little value in what they can offer and you see no value in who they are as a person. Ambition is a wicked beast.
My ambition pulled me away from God and pulled me to things I thought was better. It gave me a false sense of purpose when indeed, I was neglecting my true purpose. It made me feel important but I missed what was truly important. Love your neighbor. Seek justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly. (Micah 6:8)
It wasn’t until I said “bye” to my business and “I’m done” to my mountain of a schedule that God could finally have my time vs. time having me. I sat before his feet and the noise of life was gone. My thoughts, my heart, my life… lay bare and exposed before Him. He shined the light on the areas that I chose to ignore. He shined the light on some strangers, that weren’t there before. He shined the light on ambition, pride, insecurity, and fear. The attainment of things, would never be a cure.
To be ambitious in this life is vanity. We should be focused on things that are of eternal value, not just temporary gain. Day by day I am learning more and more of what it means to store up my treasures in heaven. My hope is in Jesus… God is my satisfaction and anything else He chooses to bless me with is not a right or a privilege. Everything I have is a blessing, a gift. I cannot earn God’s goodness. I do not deserve God’s love… but by His grace, It flows freely from above.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.”Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” – Matthew 6:19-20
“I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” – Ecclesiastes 1:14
“O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me.” – Psalm 131:1-2
“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” – Matthew 16:26