Diary

Diary Entry #9 – Why I Stopped Being Ambitious

December 17, 2016

The other night my husband asked me what I wanted out of life… my response, “I have everything I want…” What more could a girl ask for? My days are not perfect and I don’t want to sound braggadocios but God has blessed me with my little family and my choice career of being a writer and stay-at-home mommy… all at the tender age of 23. Words cannot express the overwhelm of gratitude I feel because I know many would love to be in my shoes but it wasn’t always this way…

I wasn’t always content and thankful for my portion. Even with the marriage and even with the kid… I had this spirit of ambition that said, “I need more, more, more.” More kids. More vacations. More success. More money.. & the list goes on and on.

Then God showed me something… I peeked into the spirit realm and I could see people’s lives being destroyed by this spirit of ambition. Their schedule was their God and they put their relationships on the back burner. Their busyness was their affirmation. Their dreams and plans were first priority. They would crush someone else’s head in order to get to the top. I saw the ugly face of ambition… it’s true colors, it’s haughtiness and pride. Ambition is too good to talk to you, too good to care for you, too good to slow down and acknowledge you.

Ambition causes you to see people as roadblocks or opportunities, not as actual human beings. If someone is in your way, you throw them out of your life. If someone is in your life, it’s only a matter of time. As long as they are useful. As long as they are helpful. As long as they shut up. As long as they be quiet. As long as they help you further your own agenda, you’ll let them stick around. You see little value in what they can offer and you see no value in who they are as a person. Ambition is a wicked beast.

My ambition pulled me away from God and pulled me to things I thought was better. It gave me a false sense of purpose when indeed, I was neglecting my true purpose. It made me feel important but I missed what was truly important. Love your neighbor. Seek justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly. (Micah 6:8)

It wasn’t until I said “bye” to my business and “I’m done” to my mountain of a schedule that God could finally have my time vs. time having me. I sat before his feet and the noise of life was gone. My thoughts, my heart, my life… lay bare and exposed before Him. He shined the light on the areas that I chose to ignore. He shined the light on some strangers, that weren’t there before. He shined the light on ambition, pride, insecurity, and fear. The attainment of things, would never be a cure.

To be ambitious in this life is vanity. We should be focused on things that are of eternal value, not just temporary gain. Day by day I am learning more and more of what it means to store up my treasures in heaven. My hope is in Jesus… God is my satisfaction and anything else He chooses to bless me with is not a right or a privilege. Everything I have is a blessing, a gift. I cannot earn God’s goodness. I do not deserve God’s love… but by His grace, It flows freely from above.

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Supporting Scriptures:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.”Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” – Matthew 6:19-20

“I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” – Ecclesiastes 1:14

“O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me.” – Psalm 131:1-2

“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” – Matthew 16:26

 

 

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9 Comments

  • Reply Jessica December 18, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    Love this!!!! Thank you Lord! God is my satisfaction!

  • Reply Brittany December 18, 2016 at 11:17 pm

    Beautifully written from such a pure place! To be surrendered at the feet of Jesus… that’s life greatest reward. As 2016 comes to a close, I am beyond thankful that God didn’t allow me to enter into another year without first showing me the beauty of total surrender to Him!

  • Reply Ivory Bandoh December 18, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    This really blessed me Sis! I can honestly say that I have been in this place lately. I wasn’t sure what God was doing in this season, but I believe I just discovered what He has been wanting to show me. Thank you for your continued obedience!

    • Reply Karolyne Roberts December 19, 2016 at 12:36 am

      Aww I’m glad you could relate. God bless you Sis!

  • Reply Anne December 19, 2016 at 9:56 am

    Thank you so much for this article Karolyne, infact for all your articles. I had an experience this year where I was chasing after a certain position, and neglected my calling because of the cares we get caught up with. As a single mother, you worry about providing for your child the best way you may know how. Well, lets just say God put a stop to my plans, for my own good. He loves us too much to see us lose ourselves in things that will never fulfill us, trying to take his place in providing for us. I repented for trying to take God’s place in my life, in my child’s life and I’ve felt so much freedom since. Ambition and living to others expectation of us instead of God’s best for us can be such a problem. I am so thankful for God’s truth that sets us free everyday.

    • Reply Karolyne Roberts December 19, 2016 at 3:37 pm

      Amen, thank you for sharing this testimony and for your words of encouragement. Appreciate you Sis!! So glad that you were able to move forward into God’s plans and best for your life. God bless you!!

  • Reply Daniel Emmanuel December 19, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Hi Karolyne,

    Place more value on the ‘individual’ than what they have to ‘offer’ got to me.
    Thank you for sharing!

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