Diary

Diary Entry #8 – Being OK with Being Me

December 13, 2016

I noticed something today… the enemy will try to plant negative thoughts in my head to throw little jabs at my self-esteem. If I’m passive and don’t take action immediately to cast down those thoughts, I will find myself in a discouraging place.

The enemy will whisper things in my mind like, “you’re too ‘spiritual’–you’re too deep. No one will be able to relate to you…” or while I’m browsing beauty videos on youtube he’ll whisper things like, “you’re so ugly. These girls are way prettier than you.. why do you even bother making youtube videos and showing your face?”

Of course the enemy doesn’t want me to minister the gospel. Of course he doesn’t want me to preach, speak, put myself out there and be a light for God’s kingdom. His desire is to destroy me. He wants me to be concerned with how I’m perceived by others, so that I lock myself up in the house and never expose myself to anyone.

That tactic used to work on me. I used to get to a point where I was really doing things for God’s Kingdom, but the enemy would tear away at myself esteem so much until my introverted self retreated back to my little bubble.

Today in the midst of one of these attacks, the Holy Spirit whispered, “That’s how I made you. That’s who you are.” It hit me like a ton of bricks… no matter how much I try to hide or not, I can never change who I really am. I will have to live with being me for the rest of my life… so why not embrace who I am vs. trying to hide it? I cannot apologize for being who God made me… so I told the enemy, “And?? So what?” He can’t stop me from doing what God is calling me to do!

Maybe I do come across a little too deep and super spiritual. So! This is my life… God is my life, I literally live and breathe Him. My thoughts, my conversations, my actions, my friends…everything is always surrounded around God and that’s just how I choose to live my life. I can’t help it. Maybe I am a little misunderstood.. so what? I can’t spend the rest of my life trying to explain to everybody who I am. I know that God created me to reach specific people throughout my journey and they need the authentic me that He created me to be, I don’t have to add or take away from it!

When the enemy tries to tear away at our self-esteem, we have to speak God’s word over our lives and encourage ourselves in the Lord. We should embrace all the beautiful quirks and kinks about our personality because God made them for a reason. We don’t have to be ashamed of the gospel. We don’t have to dim our light. We don’t have to hide our face. Be proud of the man or woman that God is molding you to be.

Supporting scriptures:

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” – Romans 1:16

“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” – 1 Samuel 30:6

“(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;) Casting down arguments, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” – 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

 

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8 Comments

  • Reply Pamelia Walker December 14, 2016 at 1:34 am

    Wont the enemy try it tho?! I say the sooner you acknowledge and embraced that God has designed you perfectly different the better! Let your little light shine Karolyne! You are called to be deep, bold, sweet, courageous, etc .. all in the name of Jesus for such a time as this!! I recently got saved 7/4/15 and God want me to start writing … (i literally melted and fell in love w/ my Jesus for the 354,676,575th time all over again lol) He bought back my first love all over again. Any who …. Continue to be Great Karolyne!!! :)))))))))))

    • Reply Karolyne Roberts December 14, 2016 at 3:38 am

      Aww amen!! Congrats on getting saved!! Praise God :). Thanks for your encouraging message!!

  • Reply Theresa Simba December 15, 2016 at 9:15 pm

    Me all day every day. This is so timely. My self esteem has been attacked to the point where I don’t even want to try anymore. I get depressed and think that God doesn’t love compared to so and so because they do things a certain way. Last Sunday as I was crying out to God that I’m sick of comparing myself and feeling some type of way all the time, He gave me 2 Corinthians 3:18, He said to keep on chasing Him continually and I will progressively become more like Him, from one degree of glory to the next.
    Keep on keeping on Karolyne, your ministry is changing lives…it’s definitely changing mine. I honour you.

    • Reply Karolyne Roberts December 16, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Amen, thank you for sharing that word Sis… I’m blessed to hear how this ministry has impacted you! You are purposed and valued Sis! Jesus died on the cross because He loves you soo much! Love you!

  • Reply Jessica December 17, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Thank you for sharing sis! I needed this. For years my self esteem and confidence has been attacked because I suffer from alopecia. I can only wear wigs because of the hair loss. Someone once asked me if I had cancer. I was crushed. I am still dealing with some self esteem issues but God in his love for me has placed some amazing people in my life. They speak so much life into me. I am truly grateful. Even though I’m passive, I know that from now on when the enemy comes with his lies, I have to speak the word like Jesus did. Thank you again for sharing your story love. God bless!!!

    • Reply Karolyne Roberts December 17, 2016 at 3:12 pm

      Aww, praise God! I am so glad that God has placed people around you who speak truth and life into you! You are so valued and special, don’t let the devil lie to you Sis! Thanks so much for opening up and sharing your comment. I am sure other people will be able to relate as well! God bless you!!

  • Reply Daniel Emmanuel December 19, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    Hi Karolyne,

    “That’s how I made you. That’s who you are,” really hit me!

    Thank you for sharing!

    • Reply Karolyne Roberts December 19, 2016 at 9:29 pm

      It hit me so much too!! Thanks for your comment bro.

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