I noticed something today… the enemy will try to plant negative thoughts in my head to throw little jabs at my self-esteem. If I’m passive and don’t take action immediately to cast down those thoughts, I will find myself in a discouraging place.
The enemy will whisper things in my mind like, “you’re too ‘spiritual’–you’re too deep. No one will be able to relate to you…” or while I’m browsing beauty videos on youtube he’ll whisper things like, “you’re so ugly. These girls are way prettier than you.. why do you even bother making youtube videos and showing your face?”
Of course the enemy doesn’t want me to minister the gospel. Of course he doesn’t want me to preach, speak, put myself out there and be a light for God’s kingdom. His desire is to destroy me. He wants me to be concerned with how I’m perceived by others, so that I lock myself up in the house and never expose myself to anyone.
That tactic used to work on me. I used to get to a point where I was really doing things for God’s Kingdom, but the enemy would tear away at myself esteem so much until my introverted self retreated back to my little bubble.
Today in the midst of one of these attacks, the Holy Spirit whispered, “That’s how I made you. That’s who you are.” It hit me like a ton of bricks… no matter how much I try to hide or not, I can never change who I really am. I will have to live with being me for the rest of my life… so why not embrace who I am vs. trying to hide it? I cannot apologize for being who God made me… so I told the enemy, “And?? So what?” He can’t stop me from doing what God is calling me to do!
Maybe I do come across a little too deep and super spiritual. So! This is my life… God is my life, I literally live and breathe Him. My thoughts, my conversations, my actions, my friends…everything is always surrounded around God and that’s just how I choose to live my life. I can’t help it. Maybe I am a little misunderstood.. so what? I can’t spend the rest of my life trying to explain to everybody who I am. I know that God created me to reach specific people throughout my journey and they need the authentic me that He created me to be, I don’t have to add or take away from it!
When the enemy tries to tear away at our self-esteem, we have to speak God’s word over our lives and encourage ourselves in the Lord. We should embrace all the beautiful quirks and kinks about our personality because God made them for a reason. We don’t have to be ashamed of the gospel. We don’t have to dim our light. We don’t have to hide our face. Be proud of the man or woman that God is molding you to be.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14
“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” – Romans 1:16
“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” – 1 Samuel 30:6
“(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;) Casting down arguments, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” – 2 Corinthians 10:4-5