Diary Dreams

Diary Entry #15 – When the Dreamer Forgets How to Dream…

January 20, 2017

When I became serious about my walk with Christ, I laid all my dreams, plans, and desires at the Father’s feet. I recall the exact day… I spent hours crafting the perfect vision board with cutouts of my dream wedding, career, life, etc. I presented that dream board to God, and like a genie in a bottle, I insisted by “faith” that He fulfill all my requests. The next morning, I remember waking up and feeling a heavy pressure come over me, I was gasping for air and was struggling to breathe. I heard the Holy Spirit whisper something along the lines of… “If you won’t live for me, why should I wake you up in the morning?” I jumped out of that bed so quick and fell on my knees to repentance. It was in that moment that I realized that I had made an idol out of my dreams.

I walked outside of my dorm room with my vision board and a pair of matches in hand. I decided to take a walk into the backwoods and my best friend came along with me as I explained to her what happened to me that morning. Plus, I wasn’t too sure about going into those woods all by myself! Lol. We went along our way and I put the matches to the paper. I watched as my “dreams” crumbled and burned before my very eyes but there was a new fire inside of me that burned for God with all passion, zeal, and loyalty.

This was almost 6-7 years ago. It was my freshman year in college. Most recently, I’ve seen many of my brothers and sisters in Christ speak of the dreams they’ve had as little boys and girls… and for some of them, God is actually bringing those dreams to pass. To watch Him do this has left me in complete awe and amazement, but has caused me to question God saying, “I thought we weren’t allowed to have dreams?”

Now you guys know me, I call myself a “dreamer” at heart, but when I say that, I am referring to “visions of the night” or dreams during my sleep. This whole week, I’ve been seeing signs of the word “dream”, listening to sermons about it, and more. I feel like God is trying to tell me something. He is telling me… that I am more than just a dreamer who has visions of the night… but I am a dreamer with God given desires, I am a dreamer with a purpose!

But for all these years, especially after burning that vision board, I thought I wasn’t allowed to dream as a Christian. I honestly thought that it was a sin to have any desires, hopes, visions, or goals. I became very content with just accepting life as it comes and goes… and I do feel like I have sabotaged some God-given opportunities and open doors because I fear ambition. I don’t ever want to desire so much that I no longer desire God. I don’t ever, ever want to put anything before Him again.

So, I forgot what my dreams even were. Last night, I wrote a list. At the top I entitled it, “My Dreams” and I had to jog my memory from way back. I ask myself questions like, “What did I want to be when I grew up?” and “What are some things that I wish to do before I die?” Next to each dream I also asked myself the question, “How can this dream help others?” You see, I’ve grown so much since then. I realize that the desires that God has placed on my heart, are so that I can be a blessing to others. It’s not all about ME.

There was one dream in particular that I didn’t even recall to write last night, but I believe that The Holy Spirit Himself is the one that reminded me of it this morning. It was a dream that I had since long ago, one that I pursued with great determination, yet I let that dream die because I didn’t see how it brought God glory in my life back then. When I pursued that dream, I was still living in the world.

This morning I woke up to an email offering to me a position to do what I had deep down, always desired to do. When I read the email, first of all, I was like, this sounds WAYYY too good to be true! Secondly, I was like, WOW, this is and this was my dream! Thank you for reminding me Jesus! Lol.

You see, when we give our dreams to Jesus… even though we may forget them and move on with life, He won’t forget. If God has placed a desire in your heart, believe that in due season, He will bring it to pass. It is God who enables us to dream, to have vision, to have hope. Apart from Him, there is no form of true revelation.

My year started off with a dream about heaven and now the dreams I have had for years are finally coming true!!! Don’t ever give up on your dreams. Don’t ever give up on God. Trust Him and keep your eyes on Him. He has not forgotten you.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Jillian Palmer January 20, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    This is great. I always wanted to be a teacher. I was cut out for it. I tried to pursue that dream on many occasions and it did not work out. I chose to let it go and pursue something else. Ironically, during my praise and worship, the Holy Spirit told me to pursue teaching. I was so happy and shocked at the same time. I said “God You shut those doors a few years ago”……This post is spot on….we may forget and move on, but He does not forget.

    Great post

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